Q: Why is my husband more emotionally in tune with me and affectionate after he has a few drinks?He used to be more emotionally in tune with me and affectionate when we were dating but without the alcohol.Now,why am I not as appealing as I used to be unless he has a few drinks?It makes me feel rejected in some ways.
Unfortunately,this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the fact that your husband has a drinking problem.The sad truth is,he probably needs a few drinks to be more in tune with his emotions period.Has he grown distant in other ways?Is he depressed,anxious or easily agitated?Is he a social drinker,or does he drink while alone?Does he need a drink or two to unwind at the end of the day,or is he knocking back several beers and half a bottle of bourbon every night?
If he no longer loves you,the drinking would just drive him further away.He would turn angry,and withdrawn.He still cares for you,but has gotten to the point where he needs alcohol to open up.That's the sign of an alcoholic.I don't think it's as simple as "He needs to drink to find me attractive." It's something deeper.The drinking could be a sign of depression,or a general unhappiness with his life.Needing to drink to show affection is never a good thing.Whether it's booze,pot,porn,whatever—if he needs to use something to be closer to you,that's a sign of a serious problem.
This is something you need to address.He's using booze as a crutch.Ask him to give up drinking for a little while.Let him know that it concerns you that he drinks more now than he did early on in your relationship.Tell him that you're worried that he can't express himself while sober.If he truly loves you,he'll realize that you are asking him for both his health and for the sake of your marriage.It's not too late.Get your husband some help before things get worse.
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