Hey,Angelina.It's Your Right Leg,And I Just Want to Say...

Oh,girl,我为你高兴。I could not believe the news when I read it on Glamour.com.Am I mad that I had to find out from the press?God,no.I know I'm not always easy to reach...when your back is sore.

Oh,girl,我为你高兴。I could notbelievethenewswhen I read it on Glamour.com.Am I mad that I had to find out from the press?God,no.I know I'm not always easy to reach...when your back is sore.

I just want to say: congratulations.And also,a little bit: you're welcome.Because let's face it--things were starting to get a little too comfy in this relationship.There was the constant Chinese takeout and the his and hers sweatpants.But nothing says "I don't think I have to worry aboutAngelina Jolieleaving me" like this hairstyle:

As I watched our man morph slowly intoDiane Keaton,I knew what I had to do: remind him thatyou betta workto keep this every single day.

© A.M.P.A.S.(r).All rights reserved.

Bam.Was I successful?They Photoshopped meonto the Statue of Liberty,so you tell me.

And whaddaya know?Not six months later,here we are.You've got a ring on your finger and I--well,I'm left thinking about all the good times we had as single gals.

Remember when we went to Miami and I borrowed your favorite black shawl thing without asking?你很生气,you didn't shave me for a month.Or that time you talked for so long at the UN that I fell asleep and you tripped when you got up?And when those two guys hit on us in London?They were so drunk,they thought I wasKate Bosworth.


I guess that's all over now,but it's OK,because I'm beyond thrilled for you.This is a total surprise,since I've waited patiently under many a table as you cracked open a bottle of pinot and expounded on the antiquation of marriage as an institution.And since that one time we watchedBride Warsand I asked you which of us wasAnne Hathawayand which wasKate Hudson你说:“你们两个,Righty,and I'm neither." So it's like a total surprise!Did I already say that?Haha!

Anyway,I'm sure I won't be far behind you--my Prince Charming's totally out there.I'm not even worried about it!And before you say it,let me remind you:* Left leg is not my type*.Don't even give me a plus-one to the wedding if that's where your head's at,cause it's never gonna happen.

Listen to me,going on about myself!This is your time.You and Brad go out and celebrate tonight.I'm just gonna stay in--maybe try that new exfoliating scrub,do some anklet shopping online,stick a few pins in myJim Rashdoll.I definitely won't be drunk-dialingBilly Bob Thornton's soul patch.

Love always,

右后PS--Kate Middletonwho,amiright?

PPS--As I write this,I can hear Left Leg ordering you guys a congratulatory Edible Arrangement.This.Is what.I'm talking about.


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Photo: YouTube