Last week,America was alerted to an alarming trend—successful men who are having a difficult time finding worthy partners to settle down with."Meet the New York Bachelors Who Yearn for Something More," theNew York Timesheadline blared,readable as both the unveiling of a previously unknown oppressed class and an advertisement for a singles mingle at the same time.
Save the NYBWYFSM!How many of us have searched in vain for a Kickstarter project devoted to this injustice?Or at least a hashtag?Sadly,none have sprung up as yet.
These poor men.Sure,they're wealthy (the story makes note of hobnobbing with models,在纽约,房屋在迈阿密employment at international banks),and they could get laid any time,which the article is also at pains to point out—but nevertheless they yearn.They pine.They know there is something more.Whycan'tthey have it all?
Perhaps the NYBWYFSM conversation is a worthy correction to the many scare-mongering headlines over the years about the plight of single women.Men (gay and straight) want to have it all,and they too are having a hard time with it.We should talk about this!But my issue is that the terms of the discussion are vastly different when it's the men who are single.
When women are single,women are to blame.Pundits and relationship experts love to point out all the things these beleaguered spinsters are doing wrong.Number one among them is,of course,focusing too much on career—but being too picky,having the wrong job,and not going to the right college were among other lady mistakes listed in a recentNew York Post story.One misstep and you'll be past your sell-by date forever.One imagines the average unattached American single writing her online dating profile surrounded by copies ofLean InandHe's Just Not That Into You,along witha map of cities with the best gender ratiosand a few brochures on egg freezing.And that's just the emotional laborbeforethe date.
But older single men who are worried about finding partners don't seem to have done anything wrong.If they're single,it's certainly not their fault.If they've been slow to step up to the commitment line,according to theNew York Timespiece,it's been for all the right reasons: "Aside from taking pleasure in the feeling of moving untethered through the years,they may have wanted to make sure their careers were on track before starting a family during a rocky economic period." It sounds so laudable to be choosy,把事业放在第一位,and then decide to settle down.When men do it,it makes perfect sense.When women do it,a national debate breaks out.
As my friend Hayley,24,put it: "Turns out men have feelings about work/family that are kind of like women's!Not as intense though,more like a deep whiskey-tinged sigh."
Honestly,it can be hard to have much sympathy for the NYBWYFSM at all."Being a straight,single man in New York City is literally the best dating landscape you could hope to have," my friend Amy,40,said."This story is the equivalent of complaining about a mosquito bite to someone with a broken arm." The numbers back her up.A study by the the New York City Economic Development Corporationestimates that there are 6 percent more single women than single men in the five boroughs.The ratios are similarly favorable throughout the country,according toTime magazine.