Smitten

Reader's Dilemma: I Want To Meet Boys But I'm Shy

我们最近收到了一封来自一位忠实的读者的电子邮件,他正以约会困境的形式经历着严重的焦虑。She is young,single,太棒了(我的补充),她想知道她是否应该上网去见男人。I say,because she is 18,heeeellls no.But first,她的困境…

We recently received an email from a loyalSmittenreader who is experiencing major angst in the form of a dating困境.She is young,single,太棒了(我的补充),她想知道她是否应该上网去见男人。I say,because she is 18,heeeellls no.But first,她的困境…

She writes:

I am 18 years old.I have never been on a date and have never been kissed.坦率地说,I'm getting tired of it.I know that I should try to get out and meet more people,but I'm very shy.It doesn't help that all of the guys I like turn out to be gay or already in a relationship.昨天我发现一个和我调情的男朋友(相当无耻)有女朋友。幸运的是,he never caught on that I liked him.I'm glad I got the practice flirting,but I'm kind of fed up with the whole process.Am I too young to try online dating?I don't need to meet my soul mate right now,I'd just like to get out in the field.

And here's what I think:

First,I feel your frustration.And the worst thing I can—but must—say is: Patience.Nothing in life will come when you want it—the job promotion,男朋友,new car,feeling settled,having all the answers,婴儿,等。Everything takes soooo freaking loooong.

Still.Let's get started.

It's hard to meet guys when you're 18 and shy.You're not old enough to go to bars (legally) or go to work at a male-heavy consulting firm or hedge fund.But you do have options.

  1. Consider volunteering at a local non-profit theater organization to do backstage crew.It's dark in the wings,you can blend in because you have to wear black,you don't have to talk,and it's always guy-heavy.

  2. If you live near a good beach,sign up for surf P.E.class.That's mostly guys (at least it was when I was in high school),and no one talks in the ocean.

  3. 或者木材店。我这样做是因为司机的埃德已经满了。我是班上唯一一个30岁的女孩——我有一群热的冲浪运动员为我在机器上做所有的工作。

  4. Be the equipment or ball girl on a (college) boys' sports team.

  5. Search for some kind of boot camp,volunteer campaign,or part-time job that you could do.

  6. Take a girlfriend and go to car shows/expos,ball games,溜冰场,fast food joints,等。那里有很多男孩。

  7. If you're about to go to college,you're on the brink of meeting hoards of guys your age.Just don't get a secluded apartment off-campus.做宿舍的事,as you'll always be surrounded.Hopefully you're placed on a co-ed floor—leave your door open and play cool music.On a single co-ed floor or wing,the boys will wander and cruise for chicks,but they won't go up or down to an all-girls floor.Cross your fingers you're not assigned to a tower.

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I would wait a few years before signing up for online dating.There are a lot of shady and/or selfish characters out there,and it's crucial to be able to recognize them on deadline (e.g.before you meet in person,或者在你回他家之前,or before things get serious).Often the sensibility,or the ability to pinpoint questionable behavior doesn't come until after a few (or many) years of dating.

But seriously: I feel your frustration.I was 18 about 14 years ago,and I may or may not be any closer to finding my soul mate.So brace yourself for a (possibly) long road.I promise you it will be worth it,and I know this because I would rather be 32 (my age) than 18.相信我:你在为改变生活的爱做准备,learning,and many wonderful things!I'm excited for you!

What wouldyoutell our reader?Are you 18 and shy?What has worked for you?What's the youngest age a person should do online dating?

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