Fans of *The Bachelor *were floored by Monday night's finale,in which Bachelor Ben Higgins said goodbye to JoJo Fletcher,尽管他告诉她他爱她。Soon after,Higgins proposed to Lauren Bushnell,a woman he says he "fell in love with more."
Of course,Bushnell now has to live with knowing that her fiancé said he was in love with someone else,right until he proposed to her—a fact that she wouldn't have known before watching the show.But in the show'sAfter the Final Rosespecial,Bushnell says Higgins told her everything one day after they got engaged "so anything that I would be surprised by or might be hurtful,we had a conversation right then," she said.
"Nothing was a surprise.I wasn't blindsided by anything," she added.“我认为这让事情变得容易多了——形势非常严峻，or what could be,did not affect our relationship."
Experts say Higgins was smart to get it all out there,and we all might want to take notes.
“完全公开我们的约会经历是一件好事，因为它有可能建立更深层次的信任，”持照婚姻家庭治疗师DavidKlow说，owner ofSkylight Counseling Centerin Chicago.
That includes your sexual past,too,says psychologistPaul Coleman,PsyD,author ofFinding Peace When Your Heart Is In Pieces."Generally speaking,it is a good idea for a couple to be aware of each others' sexual history," he says.While you don't need to go into excruciating detail of your past romps,it's better to be honest to your partner about sleeping with someone in your past—especially if you still interact with that person.
Klow recommends putting out feelers first so you don't barrage your partner with information he might not want to know."It can be helpful to discuss how important it is for each person to know about the past," he says.“你们每个人需要了解对方的历史多少？If its a priority…start with significant loves from the past and then go from there."
Those conversations should happen organically,if possible,Klow says,although he points out that a lot depends on how important the information is to you and your partner.If you suddenly discover that your S.O.is friends with someone you've dated in the past,it's a good idea to get that out in the open before he finds out from someone else.
Of course,Klow admits that having these kinds of conversations can temporarily decrease our partner's trust in us—especially if you open up about cheating in a past relationship."They might become concerned about how we've conducted ourselves in the past and that it might mean a threat to their safety in the present relationship," he says.
If your partner is concerned about something from your dating history,it's important to reassure him that the past is in the past—just be aware that he may struggle with it a little at first.(According to reports,Bushnell did too...and then seemingly got over it.) But overall,Klow says it's better to be honest than not."These sorts of conversations are about building trust and safety," he says."As a relationship deepens it becomes important to know more about one another in order to build a solid foundation."