I don't want to alarm anyone,but Chris Harrison just made it official: This was one of the most dramatic and controversial seasons ofThe Bachelorever.And I know he wouldn't just throw a phrase like that around.
A specialthisspecial deserves its very own type of recap.So I'm giving our trusty awards a break this week--they need to rest up for a finale you'll have to see to believe,as Chris promises.Instead,here are my top ten favorite things about tonight'sThe Women Tell All.
- Jenna was there
I feel like it's been decades since this little blogette regaled us with her unhinged antics.It was great to see her again,though I would have preferred her scowling at me drunkenly from a doorway.
- The fact that it's calledThe Women Tell All
When it should actually be called *The Women Talk Incessantly,Most Times Cutting Each Other Off By Shrieking,"Can I Just SAY Something?"*8.REID
I want Reid to be onBachelor Pad 3so badly that I might try to learn a witch's spell that would seal the deal.Oh,you didn't know the dark arts had a role inThe Bachelor?Fun fact: some contestants aren't even people.They're just the spectral result of mixing booze,voo doo and hair extensions.
- The makeovers
When the show starts,you're like,yeah: all of you saw yourselves on TV,吓坏了,and went on a quest to adjust your hair and makeup for optimal screen friendliness.It's basically the summer between eighth and ninth grade on crack.
- Literally maybe the worst apology ever captured on video
And I'm not even talking about Courtney.I'm talking about when Shawntel was rightfully like,hey Erica,that was pretty messed up when you just straight-up said I had fat thighs.Erica gives an attitude chin shake and snaps,"I will sit here and apologize all day." What?I'm confused,areyou sorry?Then why do I feel like I'm being disciplined by a cranky forest creature?
- Everyone's voice just sounds so weird
I wish I had audio to give you,but I don't,so just pop over to the nearest junkyard,find two pieces of scrap metal,and rub them together vigorously until your ears bleed.
Samantha did not get what she would consider her fair share of time on the highly-editedBachelorseason,so she set out to makeTell Allher masterpiece.And she would have gotten away with it,too,if that one girl who brought her grandma that time hadn't yelled at her to shut up,and if the whole crowd hadn't clapped likeyes seriously not another word,we didn't switch shifts and put on jewel tones to listen to you.
Kacie B.Nicki.Double-Bachelorette.As in: start out with 30 guys and whittle them down together.Wouldn't work with everyone.Would definitely work with these two.I would like a lot of Southern stuff to be involved.At least one date should look like it dropped right out of the movieMaverick.Sarsparilla is encouraged.Rejected suitors would exit through swinging saloon doors.
- The flicker of hope that was Courtney's interview
Not hope as in: I hope she's learned her lesson.Guys,come on,I don't care if she learns her lesson!Do you?No,my heart skipped a beat when she got to this point in her apology loop: "I'm sorry I hurt Ben.I cared for him and still do." So that means even if he picked her,perhaps it's already run its course?