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Obsessed

Zosia Mamet on Why She Won't Lean In,Thanks

Must every woman build an empire?Columnist Zosia Mamet suggests taking a moment to figure out what winning really means to you.I have been incredibly blessed with success in my chosen career.I've worked my ass off and had the support and encouragement of those around me to keep climbing.但是,如果明天我决定我满足于我在表演中接触到的地方,并计划在佛蒙特州开一家小咖啡店呢?That job wouldn't necessarily be any easier,but I believe I would be considered less successful.My friends,some of them,would ask me if it was what I really wanted (code for "You're making a mistake").My agent would think I was insane,我的家人肯定会很困惑。And if I didn't turn my little coffee shop into some world-renowned Magnolia Bakery of the north,if I kept it small and had a happy life,I probably wouldn't be considered a success at that either,这太荒谬了。We are so obsessed with "making it" these days we've lost sight of what it means to be successful on our own terms.As women we have internalized the idea that every

Must every woman build an empire?ColumnistZosia Mametsuggests taking a moment to figure out what winning really means toyou.

I have been incredibly blessed with success in my chosen career.I've worked my ass off and had the support and encouragement of those around me to keep climbing.但是,如果明天我决定我满足于我在表演中接触到的地方,并计划在佛蒙特州开一家小咖啡店呢?That job wouldn't necessarily be any easier,but I believe I would be considered less successful.My friends,some of them,would ask me if it was what Ireallywanted (code for "You're making a mistake").My agent would think I was insane,我的家人肯定会很困惑。And if I didn't turn my little coffee shop into some world-renowned Magnolia Bakery of the north,if I kept it small and had a happy life,I probably wouldn't be considered a success atthateither,这太荒谬了。

We are so obsessed with "making it" these days we've lost sight of what it means to be successful on our own terms.As women we have internalized the idea that every morning we wake up,we have to go for the f--king gold.You can't just jog;you have to run a triathlon.Having a cup of coffee,读报纸,and heading to work isn't enough—that's settling,这是让步,that's lettingthemwin.You have to wake up,have a cup of coffee,conquer France,bake a perfect cake,take a boxing class,and figure out how you are going to get that corner office or become district supervisor,while also looking damn sexy—but not too sexy,because cleavage is degrading—all before lunchtime.她头脑正常的人会想这样做吗?哪怕是谁able去?

I think,不幸的是,some of our need to succeed professionally is a by-product of a good thing: feminism.Feminism was meant to empower us as women,to build us up for fighting on male-dominated battlefields.It did that,but it did some other things as well.It gave us female role models like Hillary and Oprah and Beyoncé and in the process implied that mogul-hood should be every woman's goal.We kept the old male ideas of success:powerandmoney.We need new ones!

A few years ago I was about to make a movie with some friends,a passion project we were doing for love,not money.然后我得到了一个热门电视节目的位置——一个比我们电影的全部预算都多的演出,但这意味着不拍电影。我让我的经纪人把它关了,他不明白。To him the bigger job and the bigger paycheck were the whole point,but for me the point was to do something I really cared about.I was lucky to have that option,and it felt so right to say,“这对我来说更重要。”

I hate that we look at women who choose not to run a country as having given up.我很生气,when a woman decides to hold off on gunning for a promotion because she wants to have a baby,其他女人低声说,“她在抛弃她的潜能。”那是我们不支持自己的时候。Who are we to put such a limited definition on success?The Merriam-Webster dictionary says success is "the correct or desired result of an attempt." Butyouget to decide what you attempt.If you get off running a global hair care empire,more power to you,but if working as a hairdresser somewherewithin帝国带给你欢乐,then that should be just as admirable.You shouldn't feel like you're letting down the team.

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The solution,I think,is to ask ourselves what we actually want—each of us personally—and stop putting so much pressure on one another.Success isn't about winning everything;是为了实现你的梦想,无论是教中学还是驾驶喷气式飞机。And no matter what we as individual women want,不管我们的目标是什么,we have to support one another.Because I might actually open a café in Vermont—just a small one,where I make the muffins myself—and I hope you ladies don't think me any less of a woman for it.

*Zosia Mamet is an actress onGirls.Her column appears in *Glamourevery other month.Follow her@ZosiaRMamet.